How I FINALLY Achieved a Handlebar Mustache

Welcome to the MeowMed's Musings weekly newsletter. Yeah folks, you read the title, it finally happened.

This week's issue, while short and sweet, will definitely fall into the realm of self-improvement for me. In 2024, this claim could be arguable, but given my mustache genetics (if that's even a thing), I would say that this is definitely another step in my "looksmaxxing" journey.

I didn't actually try to start growing a handlebar mustache until 2 years ago. Though some can argue that there was a prototype in the making during my undergraduate years (I cannot find the picture at the moment but my former squash teammates will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about).

I want to briefly describe what steps I took towards achieving my handlebar mustache, for anyone struggling to grow one like I did (or perhaps those who plan to grow one in the future).

I'd say the first step is to grow out your facial hair. Make sure that the caterpillar from the upper lip extends to at least half an inch beyond the lower border of the lower lip. Certainly, there will be an awkward phase. But as you will learn, fortune favors the bold.

Next, you should get some mustache wax, a mustache comb, and clippers. The wax is basically a means to 'train' your stache to grow in the right direction. When there is enough hair on the ends, you can twirl it up to see how you match up against the monopoly man.

During the entirety of growth, you also want to keep everything tidy by using the scissors and mini-comb. You'll notice that the hairs will start to dip into your mouth, which can make food and drink consumption a bit awkward-feeling. Only when there is sufficient hair (YOU will have to make this call) at the ends, you should trim the part of your beard that does not feed into your stache. Or don’t trim it (as some prefer to have the stache AND the beard).

All in all, there was definitely some trial and error here and there. However, I am proud of the result and will keep pushing forward with my handlebar mustache.

Do you think handlebar mustaches are cool? Perhaps overrated? Feel free to reply to this email with your opinion!